Mars Life


God, I love credit cards

Hold on one minute. I’m fully aware of exactly how dangerous that sounds. I guess I should have followed up with, “but not in a ‘spend-all-my-credit-with-no-sign-of-ever-making-that-much-money-anyway’ kind of way.” I love credit cards because they cower to threats. Now, that’s more of an “I’m-Donald-Trump-and-will-smite-all-my-competitors” way. Hmmm.

Before digress and analyze my morals, let me say that I’ve been playing the credit card game for years. Several self-deemed and genuine necessities have put me here. Luckily we’re not talking about insane Best Buy or Barney’s shopping sprees. My credit card expenses have generally been limited to medical and automotive insurance deductibles, airfares, computers, and Christmas gifts. I rarely buy much for myself with plastic, unless it’s a big one-time purchase or an emergency.

Now why oh why do I love the companies themselves? Well, let me tell you. If you ever want a lower interest rate, here are some simple instructions.

Step 1. Go out and charge up a storm. Go for it. Consumption makes you happy.
Step 2. Now then. If you’re a person in good standing with the credit card companies (not over your limit or late on your payment. If you fall into either of these categories, step 1 was not for you), call them and tell them that you want to close your account. That should prompt the customer service associate to forward your call to an “Account Specialist.” Get ready, because it’s fun time.
Step 3. When you get connected with the Account Specialist, tell them you wish to cancel your account because you’ve had some better offers.
Step 4. Get buttered up by Account Specialist.
Step 5. Listen to their offer. If you don’t like it, tell them so and you might get something better.
Step 6. If you don’t get a better offer, and you’re really worried about all this interest on this outstanding balance, maybe you actually should close the account anyway.

Yes, it is a beautiful thing. As long as you have access to their money, and they have access to charge you for that, the big ol’ banks are happy.

Using this spectacular method, I’ve shifted around my credit card balance for years. I always charge on the card with the lowest purchase APR, and then when I have a bit of a load on that card, I transfer it to some 0% APR card I find. I’m getting these things in the mail all the time anyway; I may as well use them to save some money.

But for God’s sake people, don’t abuse my example to live beyond your means.

That’s it for now, More to come…


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